Single? It's complicated.

Single

a.not married
b.of or relating to celibacy
c.of, relating to, or involving only one person

All these definitions are according to Webster's dictionary. By all three definitions, I am 100% single, but was it always this way? No.

Was I in a relationship? I haven't had a boyfriend in a year, yet like many other people I know, I was involved with someone. Friend's with benefits, yet only the guys ever benefit from this type of arrangement. Looking back, it's pointless. No one's ever really SINGLE, which is why I love that I finally am. I have never in my life, been completely single, and that's horrible to say, but its the truth. I've settled for non-title relationships, because I became content. I allowed myself to think that the person I was seeing would see how great I am (because I am), and would want me to be his girlfriend.

A man is not going to buy the cow, if he can get the milk for free. It doesn't matter, he's not. Why should he? Shoot, I wouldn't. Wait. Wait for the one who realizes how great you are without having to be intimate with you. He's out there. He'll care about my writing, he'll treat me like I deserve to be treated, and I won't have to worry about his intentions. The guys that come, and can't wait, they can go. At least they showed me before hand what they would have done. The truth is, SEX complicates things. It blurs your mind, and allows males to have an upper hand. WE are more then that, and I don't know about you, BUT, I'm going to stick to my celibacy. I can think straight, I don't have to worry about allowing a man to hurt me, because of how foolish he made me feel. I am happily single. I can get up, and go where ever I please, with whomever I please. I don't answer to anyone BUT ME, and that's refreshing. I'm in a relationship with the only person I've never tried to be in one with. MYSELF.

I'm not regressing. Goodbye to the girl, that never realized how beautiful, intelligent, caring, compassionate, funny, and loving she was. I made those mistakes, and I can't anymore. Neither can any of you. If a person shows you who they are, believe them. You cannot change someone who does NOT want to be changed. I'm holding on to my goodies, because the next guy I become serious with is going to have to prove that it's about ME, the real me. Not the intimate me. I want mind blowing, mental sex. That's what I need. Someone who not only allows me to grow in a positive direction, but stimulates my thirst for knowledge. I need intellectual conversations. Someone who makes me think, and question what I thought I already knew. He needs to make me feel safe, and not question if he would hurt me. That's the only way, I'll join the relationship world again. Judge me or not, but I'm not becoming serious with anyone but my husband. I'll stay single until I meet him. I'm 21, and the only thing I need to be concerned about is making sure I'm truly the person I need to be. When the time is right, he'll come. And, if he doesn't, that's okay too. Yes, it gets lonely, but I know I'm not alone. I love myself, I love my friends, and I love my family. I will wait until someone loves me, the same way I love myself. I encourage you all to do the same. :)

Mind Sex

Conversation
Stimulation
Good talk
Mind sex
Can you keep up or
Are you sleeping
On what
I've said
It takes a whole lotta man
To understand
Good love is not just
Stimulation Conversation Good talk.

So let's have sex
I wanna make love
I'd rather go to heaven
Can you take me above
It's mind sex
Can we just talk
Can you make me feel it deep?
Without a physical touch?

-- Alicia Keys