Can somebody PLEASE press PLAY?!
We've all felt it. At least I'm hoping, I'm not the only one. That stagnant feeling; the feeling as though your life has suddenly hit the pause button. This is what I'm currently facing. In limbo, in a stand still, desperately trying to get to the remote to press the damn play button.
NO sense in lying. . Honestly speaking, I've felt this stagnant feeling for a good two years. Only now, I'm really in the brunt it. Prior to now, my stagnant feeling came from laziness. I constantly had thousands of excuses for why today was not the day, to reclaim my life. It's pathetic I know, but I'm human; at least I'm honest. I'm embarrassed to list these next things, but I don't think it would be fair to continue, with out giving you all examples, of what my laziness stood in the way of.
School. . Okay, this is supposed to be my SENIOR year of college. That's right, 2011 was supposed to be the year that I made my family proud, by completing my degree. Partly this isn't my fault. The school system really sucks. They tell you, that you need an education to get further in this society, yet tuition is enough to feed a small village. September 2007, 18 year old Ariel, started her freshman year at Long Island University (C.W Post) She loved it, and finished her freshman year with a 3.5 GPA. Even in the midst of all the wild parties, drunk nights, and days that I would be too tired to wake up for class, I STILL was able to finish my FIRST year of college with a 3.5. I made the friends that I know will be in my life forever, but even aside from all of that, I grew to like post. If it wasn't California that I would be transferring to (that's another post entirely) then Post was the school I desperately wanted to finish at. Did that happen? Of course not.
$38,000 is what stood in my way. I don't know about you, but I don't have $38,000 laying around. Shoot, I wish I did. $27,000 in school loans later, and I still wasn't able to finish where I started. I won't lie, this crushed my heart. I had to take a semester off. I had to watch all my friends continuing to get further in their degree, and I wallowed in self pity. This was my own fault. Sure, I couldn't finish where I started, but did that mean I couldn't finish? We all know the answer to this question, even I did at the time. I'm an Aries in it's full when it comes to how stubborn I can be. My mother and I got into so many arguments about what I was doing with my life (I am sorry Mom) and I just couldn't take it. I was throwing my self the biggest pity party, and just wanted to be back at post.
Well fast forward to spring 2008; I finally got to go back to post. Looking back it was so incredibly stupid. I should have applied to a S.U.N.Y, which was much more reasonable, and financially I wouldn't have had to be responsible for a cent. I know, I know. Anyway, did I do as well as the first year? Of course not. I was so stuck on being back, that I didn't realize when you take a semester off, you really have to work harder to get back into the swing of things. I received a 2.3(horrible) that semester. My honesty with you guys gets on my nerves. I haven't even told my parents of this GPA, so feel special! Anyway, it was ME who stood in the way of not graduating on time. It's always been me. Instead of having two more semester's to complete I have 5. It sucks, but in life we ALWAYS have choices, I've just always been better at choosing the wrong ones. I promise myself that I'm no longer going to procrastinate. I am the only one standing in the way of my future, and I have chosen to move forward. If granted, spring 2010 will be the semester I enroll back in a university, and I'm not stopping until I complete my 5 semesters.
Acting. . This is another aspect of my life that I have been procrastinating on. I am 21 years old, and in the acting world, or entertainment industry that's equivalent to like 40. Does that mean it can't be done? NO, it just means you have to be 100x's more dedicated because your competition has been doing this since they were 2years+. Yes, I've been taking acting classes since I was younger, but as far as having done anything, I haven't. Nothing really worthy of putting on a resume. When I fell in my rut, acting also suffered. I gained weight, and that was another thing that held me back. I am 5'2, and at the time I gained 15-20 pounds on my small frame, which had me looking very chicken nugget like. (laughing) NO SERIOUSLY, it was out of control. We've all watched TV, read the tabloids, looked at celebrity blogs such as mediatakeout (mediatakeout.com) TMZ(TMZ.COM) etc, and weight is not something the industry handles well. I even had a photo shoot, when I hadn't quite reached chicken nugget city, but was well on the way, and needless to say, I hated the outcome of the pictures. So, yes, I, very ashamed to say, put my love for acting in the back burner. Yet, I still talked about it, saying things like 'I want to be an actress' 'I'm going to be an actress' and honestly I don't respect talk. Talk is cheap, because so many people can do it. What I do respect, and what I'm sure half of the world does also, is a go getter. Someone who doesn't have to comment on what they're going to be, but instead they let their actions demonstrate that. So that's where I'm going to end this paragraph. I know where I made the mistakes when it comes to my craft. I also know what I NEED to now do. At the end of the day, if you really want something, you go to the end of the world, knock on as many doors, get rejected a million and one times, until you're able to day I DID IT! It'll come.
Writing. . It's always been a first love of mine, that I threw to the back burner. I was in a relationship that was wearing me down, and I let that prevent me from doing a lot of things that I enjoyed doing. I was so unmotivated, even I made myself sick. I became a girl I never thought I would be, and it extremely pathetic, and disgusting. I cried all the time, and normally writing would be the outlet that allowed me to get pass those feelings, yet I was so uninspired that I didn't even allow it to. I will say this, writing has always been very personal to me, which is why it took a lot to write this blog. I have NEVER had something so private to ME,as a public outlet for anyone to read, to judge, to criticize, and for me to step out the box, and do this is such a huge stepping stone. Everything I've ever written to date on this blog has been the God's honest truth. It is me, in it's entirety. I appreciate this blog, because while I WAS unmotivated, and uninspired, and allowed love (or the illusion of it)to weigh me down, and prevent me from doing it, I'm not anymore. The best part is people actually like my blog. It means so much to me.
What Now? The truth of it all is that even though my life is STILL on pause, for different reasons, and all of the same; I'm not the same woman I was in the beginning of the pause. I am now taking responsibility for my actions, and for all the wrong choices I have made, that have led to this occurrence. I know that this is not the end of my world, it's actually the beginning. The beginning of a wake up call, the beginning of me turning my life around. If there is anyone out there that relates to this, it is important to know, that life will roll over you, if you allow it to. We all grow accustom to playing the victim. But what they don't tell you about that role, is that the victim is never able to move on from that rut. They blame everyone else for what they feel, or where they are in life, instead of opening their eyes to see what part they played in it. I'm no longer going to be the victim. Life is best when lived. So prepare yourself for the worse, but you hope for the best. It's all we can do. All we can do is keep TRYING, and to keep working towards better people. In the end that's all that really matters. My life may be on pause, but I am taking the proper steps, while I wait for somebody to PLEASE press PLAY. (:
NO sense in lying. . Honestly speaking, I've felt this stagnant feeling for a good two years. Only now, I'm really in the brunt it. Prior to now, my stagnant feeling came from laziness. I constantly had thousands of excuses for why today was not the day, to reclaim my life. It's pathetic I know, but I'm human; at least I'm honest. I'm embarrassed to list these next things, but I don't think it would be fair to continue, with out giving you all examples, of what my laziness stood in the way of.
School. . Okay, this is supposed to be my SENIOR year of college. That's right, 2011 was supposed to be the year that I made my family proud, by completing my degree. Partly this isn't my fault. The school system really sucks. They tell you, that you need an education to get further in this society, yet tuition is enough to feed a small village. September 2007, 18 year old Ariel, started her freshman year at Long Island University (C.W Post) She loved it, and finished her freshman year with a 3.5 GPA. Even in the midst of all the wild parties, drunk nights, and days that I would be too tired to wake up for class, I STILL was able to finish my FIRST year of college with a 3.5. I made the friends that I know will be in my life forever, but even aside from all of that, I grew to like post. If it wasn't California that I would be transferring to (that's another post entirely) then Post was the school I desperately wanted to finish at. Did that happen? Of course not.
$38,000 is what stood in my way. I don't know about you, but I don't have $38,000 laying around. Shoot, I wish I did. $27,000 in school loans later, and I still wasn't able to finish where I started. I won't lie, this crushed my heart. I had to take a semester off. I had to watch all my friends continuing to get further in their degree, and I wallowed in self pity. This was my own fault. Sure, I couldn't finish where I started, but did that mean I couldn't finish? We all know the answer to this question, even I did at the time. I'm an Aries in it's full when it comes to how stubborn I can be. My mother and I got into so many arguments about what I was doing with my life (I am sorry Mom) and I just couldn't take it. I was throwing my self the biggest pity party, and just wanted to be back at post.
Well fast forward to spring 2008; I finally got to go back to post. Looking back it was so incredibly stupid. I should have applied to a S.U.N.Y, which was much more reasonable, and financially I wouldn't have had to be responsible for a cent. I know, I know. Anyway, did I do as well as the first year? Of course not. I was so stuck on being back, that I didn't realize when you take a semester off, you really have to work harder to get back into the swing of things. I received a 2.3(horrible) that semester. My honesty with you guys gets on my nerves. I haven't even told my parents of this GPA, so feel special! Anyway, it was ME who stood in the way of not graduating on time. It's always been me. Instead of having two more semester's to complete I have 5. It sucks, but in life we ALWAYS have choices, I've just always been better at choosing the wrong ones. I promise myself that I'm no longer going to procrastinate. I am the only one standing in the way of my future, and I have chosen to move forward. If granted, spring 2010 will be the semester I enroll back in a university, and I'm not stopping until I complete my 5 semesters.
Acting. . This is another aspect of my life that I have been procrastinating on. I am 21 years old, and in the acting world, or entertainment industry that's equivalent to like 40. Does that mean it can't be done? NO, it just means you have to be 100x's more dedicated because your competition has been doing this since they were 2years+. Yes, I've been taking acting classes since I was younger, but as far as having done anything, I haven't. Nothing really worthy of putting on a resume. When I fell in my rut, acting also suffered. I gained weight, and that was another thing that held me back. I am 5'2, and at the time I gained 15-20 pounds on my small frame, which had me looking very chicken nugget like. (laughing) NO SERIOUSLY, it was out of control. We've all watched TV, read the tabloids, looked at celebrity blogs such as mediatakeout (mediatakeout.com) TMZ(TMZ.COM) etc, and weight is not something the industry handles well. I even had a photo shoot, when I hadn't quite reached chicken nugget city, but was well on the way, and needless to say, I hated the outcome of the pictures. So, yes, I, very ashamed to say, put my love for acting in the back burner. Yet, I still talked about it, saying things like 'I want to be an actress' 'I'm going to be an actress' and honestly I don't respect talk. Talk is cheap, because so many people can do it. What I do respect, and what I'm sure half of the world does also, is a go getter. Someone who doesn't have to comment on what they're going to be, but instead they let their actions demonstrate that. So that's where I'm going to end this paragraph. I know where I made the mistakes when it comes to my craft. I also know what I NEED to now do. At the end of the day, if you really want something, you go to the end of the world, knock on as many doors, get rejected a million and one times, until you're able to day I DID IT! It'll come.
Writing. . It's always been a first love of mine, that I threw to the back burner. I was in a relationship that was wearing me down, and I let that prevent me from doing a lot of things that I enjoyed doing. I was so unmotivated, even I made myself sick. I became a girl I never thought I would be, and it extremely pathetic, and disgusting. I cried all the time, and normally writing would be the outlet that allowed me to get pass those feelings, yet I was so uninspired that I didn't even allow it to. I will say this, writing has always been very personal to me, which is why it took a lot to write this blog. I have NEVER had something so private to ME,as a public outlet for anyone to read, to judge, to criticize, and for me to step out the box, and do this is such a huge stepping stone. Everything I've ever written to date on this blog has been the God's honest truth. It is me, in it's entirety. I appreciate this blog, because while I WAS unmotivated, and uninspired, and allowed love (or the illusion of it)to weigh me down, and prevent me from doing it, I'm not anymore. The best part is people actually like my blog. It means so much to me.
What Now? The truth of it all is that even though my life is STILL on pause, for different reasons, and all of the same; I'm not the same woman I was in the beginning of the pause. I am now taking responsibility for my actions, and for all the wrong choices I have made, that have led to this occurrence. I know that this is not the end of my world, it's actually the beginning. The beginning of a wake up call, the beginning of me turning my life around. If there is anyone out there that relates to this, it is important to know, that life will roll over you, if you allow it to. We all grow accustom to playing the victim. But what they don't tell you about that role, is that the victim is never able to move on from that rut. They blame everyone else for what they feel, or where they are in life, instead of opening their eyes to see what part they played in it. I'm no longer going to be the victim. Life is best when lived. So prepare yourself for the worse, but you hope for the best. It's all we can do. All we can do is keep TRYING, and to keep working towards better people. In the end that's all that really matters. My life may be on pause, but I am taking the proper steps, while I wait for somebody to PLEASE press PLAY. (:
sooooo just a few words of wisdom. I'm writing a book about my college career, and it's been filled with a whole bunch of obstacles. By some act of God i'm in post for my 5th and final year. This is simply me paying for my dismal freshman year and me basically working from the ground up. It takes much focus and hunger to do, but it can and will be done. When your time is right, all the pieces will fall where they should, your job is to make the most of all the opportunities in your power and that goes for anything
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