Fearful<<< Fearless

We all have something that scares the shxt out of us. Something that makes us so uncomfortable, we try our hardest to stay away. Since I can remember, I've always wanted to act. It's been my dream, of one day accepting an oscar, that I could store in it's own cabinet, for friends and family to see.  As I grew older, this passion only grew, so I continued to throw myself into acting classes, writing my own plays, hell, I even started my own play group. We met every saturday at my house. You name it, I've done it. But... Somewhere down the line, I lost my confidence. I allowed fear to make me uncomfortable; started questioning a dream, that I've had for as long as I can breathe. Fear started eating me alive, had me comparing myself to the world. All the success stories of the greats that didn't break through to their late twenties, and early thirties, that used to be motivation, were now only exceptions.

I don't know if I want to act anymore. (That is my first time writing that) wow. Seeing that, makes me feel sad for the little girl that knew in her heart that she'd see her self on the big screen. Truthfully, I chose PR as my major as the easy way out. I'm good at helping other people showcase themselves. I write & speak well, and I'm pretty sure I've sold water to an ocean many times. I'm good at it, it's not something I have to think about. It's not scary. I'm now the business manager of my best friend's line 'BrianA'ron-Brainlesswreck' and that's because I'm passionate about his work. I know he's talented enough, that he will one day be on billboards. I will get him on billboards. I will fight for his work, because I admire his work ethic, & it would be an injustice if it wasn't showcased for the whole world to see.

 Why don't I believe in myself enough to fight as hard for my own dream, as I will for others?  Because I'm a punk. Please do as I say, and not as I do lol. I'm so scared of not being good enough, that not trying as become acceptable. Two days ago, a friend of mine asked me to do a shoot, for an up and coming clothing line. I reluctantly agreed, because I need to get out of my comfort zone. I need to wake this fear up, and get used to feeling vulnerable. I've gotten way too comfortable in all my endeavors. When you're comfortable, you're never on your A game. You'll slip up and let the competition surpass you. I've been slacking, because I've gotten to a point where I need to be doing something else. I need to wake up, and be nervous, because only then will I perform at my best. I'm not sure if acting is what I want to do anymore, but I need to get into the routine, of doing it again, to find out. I need to embrace this fear and use it as a motivator. No more excuses, whatever you want to do, do it. Note to self, and to anyone else letting fear dictate their future.  I want to continue further because I didn't post in two days, but as usual I'm running late for work... What else is new? Time management, key to success, really have to work on this! Until tomorrow guys ! <3

Lots & lots of love! 

--A

p.s Fxck you fear!!