Trust Issues

"Trust is a lie. You never really know anyone."--One Tree Hill

I don't trust most people.  I'll hear what you're telling me, smile, and still doubt everything you've just said. I'll still give you the benefit of the doubt, but if you do me wrong, I'm not shocked. It's almost like I expected it. I won't even lose my breath in confronting you, I'll just move differently. You'll stop seeing my face. I won't answer your calls, and if we see each other, it will be cool, but very impersonal. I've stored you in the un-loyal category, and once you're there, chances are, you'll never get out of it. It's not worth me losing sleep over, or even getting myself all worked up; People show you who they, it's up to you to believe them, and move on. No need for you to make a big scene, unless the person truly deserves one. If a person shows you they don't deserve your trust, thank them, they've done you a favor. You now know how you should move. One of the hardest lessons I had to learn, is that some people come into your life just simply to teach a lesson. They serve no other purpose, they won't be making the sequel, and even though that sounds messed up, it's life.

I know a lot of people, but I rarely let anyone in to my comfort zone. I can make any and everyone feel welcomed, & I pride myself on that, but if I let you in, it means something. I'm currently dealing with something that's way too personal to put out there, but its been breaking me up inside. I let someone into my life eight years ago, and they're chapter in my life is currently coming to an end. I haven't felt this childlike in years, and I can't help but question everything. I'm trying my hardest not to live my life, based on other peoples decisions, but I can't lie I'm failing. I take it out on my guy all the time, and I know he doesn't deserve it, but my trust issues are eating me alive. If I didn't question a persons intentions before, I definitely do now. I over-think, over analyze every move a person makes, every word they say, and I ask myself, is this person being honest? Do their actions match what they're words are saying? It's hard to live in a world, where your intentions are always 100% pure, but everyone else may be out to get you. Trust is one of the hardest things to repair, so my advice to myself, and anyone else out there, is be cautious. A person always shows you who they are, pay close attention to what they're showing you. If you're like me, try your hardest not to put people who deserve your trust in the same category with those who don't. My life is at a halt right now, I haven't felt this way in years. I'm trying to figure out what it all means, and what direction I'm supposed to go in. I am keeping my faith strong, and praying to God everyday, to guide my steps. I am a constant work in progress, and I will get it together one day at a time. I'll check back in later :)


lots & lots of love,

--A