[Change]

“For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be.I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.” Curious Case of Benjamin Button

I've been rereading a lot of my old entries, dating as far back as 2010. Its theraputic, but it's causing me to do a lot of self reflecting. I've come such a long way since I started this blog, and even despite all the breaks, it is this blog that has played such an immense part in that growth. In the areas that I was struggling in, I have improved tremedelously, BUT, I also realized I have fallen off in other areas. I used to read & write every single day, now I've allowed myself to go days without writing, and I haven't read a book in about two months. I loveeee reading, & can read a book in a day and it wasn't until I reread a post that I realized how much I had stopped doing. I stopped focusing on the person I had fallen in deep love with; myself. It scares me how fast life moves, and the transitions of it all. If you're not careful, you can get so lost in it. I don't want to get caught up in trying to grind so much, that I forget about all the areas I worked so hard in before.

"I had someone tell me I fell off, ohhhh I needed that." Drake

My blog let me know I fell off, and even as sad as that is, it's so damn motivating. I had been woken up by my own damn self, and now have the opportunity to do something about it. I've let the possibility of love into my life, which has helped me to see the beauty in life again. Three years ago, I was so far from this point.  I was "single & loving it" and running from every possible person that wanted anything more than a good time out of me. I was queen of, don't fall n love, cause I don't have the time for that, and boy was I damn proud of it. Now here I am three years later ready to embark on a new chapter. I spent three years, enjoying ever phase of the single life, from celibacy, to dating, and the friend with benefits. I went from not even being open to the possibility of a relationship, to being at the stage where, I allowed someone to sneak into my world. In him, I've found someone who I can trust, who helps me to better myself, but more than anything who allows me to be me. He understands my need for excitement, and mental stimulation. I didn't think I'd ever get to this point, but thats why I will always appreciate the girl I used to be.

Embrace every stage of your life, dive head first into the moments, and experiences you go through. You may not realize how much it plays a part in the future years, but it does. Do not allow life to just happen to you, grab that shit by the ropes, and ride. Everyday is a new opportunity for change, for you to be/do whoever/whatever it is you want to do. There we're moments in my life that I thought I'd never overcome; moments where I was sure my life was over, but I stand here today as living proof that it's not over until you say it is. You hold the key to whatever life you want, and change is a good thing, no matter how scary it might seem at first. Three years ago, I was in an extremely different place, but at the time, it was the very place I needed to be in. Have faith, but remain resilient. Life is about transitions, & phases, and if you're willing to go the distance for yourself, you'll be fine. It's the first of the month, and I'm just trying to be better than I was the day before. Don't take yourself too seriously, have fun, but be cautious, & take full responsibility for every choice you make. You only get one life to live, so do it right. A change will come, if you really want it to. Take the proper steps to ensure it happens in the way you'd like it to! We are all a work in progress, and if that's not the beauty of life, I don't know what is! Stay sweet guys!


As always, with nothing but love,

--A